Awkward silences and other inopportune moments

Fran Lebowitz said that the opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. For most of us, this is somewhere on the scale next to skydiving or attending someone else’s child’s recital. She also said that there is no such thing as advice to the lovelorn, because if they took advice, they wouldn’t be lovelorn. Wise woman. 
 
There is a practice Australians call dadirrI. This is a type of deep listening: a listening in quiet and stillness that borders on the contemplative, letting your soul catch up with your body. 
Given we no longer have formal rites of passage in our cultures, we need this stillness of contemplation to change us. After all, nothing is happening but the next breath.
 
 
We must go out and rally ourselves to Nature every day. We must make root, send out some little fibre at least, even every winter day.  – Henry David Thoreau
Going nowhere, as Leonard Cohen described it, was the grand adventure that makes sense of everywhere else. It is also a way of falling in love with the world over and over.Finding these moments of interstices or a half hour walk in nature can change the nature of all the other hours.        We Western world adults say that we don’t have time to be still, we aren’t good at it, it’s not for us. But that my dear, is precisely why meditation and stillness is called a practice. Like any skill, we must take the time and practice to be good at it.

While many would term boring, Bertrand Russell would call “fruitful monotony” and essential for happiness.

A generation that cannot endure boredom will be a generation of little men…of men in whom every vital impulse slowly withers, as though they were cut flowers in a vase.  – Bertrand Russell

There is, in fact, such a thing as going to a place, and not actually being there. 
 
Incidentally, it may horrify you to know that contrary to popular opinion and the multitude of over-exposed photos on Facebook, hardly anyone cares about what you are doing, how you perfectly iced those mint chocolate-chip cupcakes, or where you are spending your holidays this year.
 
And there is no point getting tetchy about how your table-mate holds their knife and fork, or being worried that the delivery people left a small scratch on your new coffee table, or that hatchet-throwing will become an Olympic sport. None of this is of any importance against the enormity of the places of nature.
You are here now. Everything passes.
 

Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity. – Simone Weil

We can also practice dadirrI by listening to another: not hurrying, remembering that there is nothing more important than what you are attending to. Dadirri listening is non-judgemental, accepting, and whole-hearted. It is about waiting and not asking questions.
I know. I know. For most of us in this addictive age of hyper screen time where every minute 4,166,667 people are “liking a Facebook post, thinking about being still makes you as nervous as a bushy tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
 
I duly recognize the fact that this is coming from someone who’s adage is ~“If everyone would listen to me, they would always be right.“, and who owns a coffee cup that says, “Everyone is entitled to my opinion.”    And yes, it matters immensely that the chairs are arranged symmetrically around a table; that napkins need to match the placemats; that no intelligent person could think you only use a chopping board to cut a loaf of bread; and that clearly, it is quite acceptable to visit five art galleries on a holiday.
Wonder makes a wonderful life. 
Whatever we need to do to bring us to stillness every day, this sacrament of pause ~ walking, painting, journaling, needlework, listening to music, watching clouds ~ this is the thing we must do.  You want to get in the habit of pausing when something beautiful and good catches your attention ~ the sound of rain, a glorious sunset, a child’s smile, a porcelain tea cup, a kindness bestowed, a fridge stocked with kale…  

Pause, then totally immerse in the experience of savoring it.   

Well, maybe not the kale.

 
As Anne Lamont quips, almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes…including you. 
 
Pentimento. A way of seeing and then seeing again. 
It may be, said the French moralist Joseph de Maistre, that the key lies in not to seek out what is actually new, but to bring a fresh mindset to what we already know but have forgotten to notice. We can cultivate the habit and awareness to see things (and people) anew as if we had never laid eyes on them before, so that their worth and beauty can again become apparent to us.I would although, caution you not to spend an evening perusing your high school yearbook. This item does not fit into either category.
What we do need is people whose attention is not caught up in the trends of the moment and who are not looking in the same direction as everyone else. We need people who are paying attention and scanning the less familiar parts of the world, if only in their own backyard or living room.  
 
This may be the moment where you are tempted to tell me about how the Instapot has changed your life, but I will confess that I am skeptical of the Instapot. It can probably cook rice in under six minutes and defrost an entire turkey in a single bound, but I’m clearly not an early adopter of cooking technology because my main concern is that it’s going to make my kitchen smell funny. Let’s treat the phenomenon of not being interested with cautious respect.
I’ve been wondering how I could make the leap from Instapots to interiors. It’s now quite obvious that I’m not entirely successful.For all of us on Earth School, “Done” is not the goal. Like Not Done Ever.      We, and our home, should be able to accommodate things without messing up some grand scheme. Like, “Should I put matching frames on my pictures?” “Should I buy a loveseat instead of two occasional chairs?” “Should I take sword fighting lessons?” “Where do I put the new baby?” 

Once in a while we should take a look at the whole picture ~ our past and our present. We need to contemplate what we have learned from our mistakes and what gift we have gained?

And by the way, don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.

Speaking of pictures and still on the topic of stillness, Everything You Want To Know About Hanging Pictures But Were Afraid to Ask, is as follows. Yes, another great leap across the narrow chasm.Picture hanging has dramatically changed over the past few years. Now almost anything goes. As long as it works. Where we used to hang art gallery style within an inch of its life (most pictures lined up), now it is rare to hang art like this, and not as interesting.

Where once the two-thirds rule was gospel, now we oversize by having a large piece use up most of the wall  ~ or float a small piece on a large wall. As long as it works.

 
Everything Does Not Need To MatchIt is much more interesting if you don’t mix and match. In fact, I always try to display a few disparate items with the art, especially if you are doing a gallery wall or area: i.e. a key, a mask, a wooden letter or plaque. A gallery wall is chic when done well, but very easy to mess up.To achieve a coherent result, keep the language of picture frames similar. For example, an oil painting in a antique wood frame with black-and-white prints in wood gallery frames.
 
Everything Does Not Needs to be Symmetrical While it might be tempting, sometimes the opposite is what ends up looking best. Hang a smaller frame off-center from where you think it should be, or hang various pieces at slightly different heights to give it a more dynamic feel.
 
Dealing with a Large Wall It is tempting to want to do a gallery wall on a large wall, but don’t be afraid of large-scale art. Although a gallery wall is personal and gives you an opportunity to hang all those small pieces of art hiding under your bed, large-scale art can be a wise investment. Not only is it a focal point, but it adds incredible drama to a room. 
 
Hang Art In Unexpected Places    It’s common to hang art above a bed, sofa, and mantel, but think about hanging art in unexpected places like a powder room, the end of a long hallway, above a doorway, the inside of a stairwell, or the wall at the top or bottom of a stairwell. It is like a small surprise waiting every time you turn a corner.
 
Frame Art Professionally     Without a doubt, the best trick for elevating your art and making it look more expensive is custom framing. As for the mats, the days of forest green, navy, burgundy and dusty rose is over. A good framer is paramount in helping you choose the perfect frame and matting
 
And by the way, don’t buy art to match your walls. Buy art because you love it.

Comments

  1. As always, such great quotes and another good articles from you!

    Hope you are well. Deborah

  2. Hi Karyn: Another “just what I needed to hear today” newsletters. How do you do that?
    On the weekend I created a vision board for my year, and what it is screaming at me is Silence, screaming being a metaphor. Also ‘slowness’ and ‘delight in life’. And here is your newsletter saying pretty much the same thing to me, along with some other tidbits of interest and lovely dry humour.
    Everything we need, to heal, shows up every day.
    Chris

  3. Love the blog- I always enjoy reading these! Hope you’re having a wonderful day!

    Cheers,
    Laura

  4. Thanks Karyn,
    you are so talented.
    Lanna

  5. Hi Karyn

    Thank you so much for doing this piece. Really resonates with me particularly as you did two of my walls with my artwork and native carvings. Whether I am eating at my table or sitting in my living room or cooking in my kitchen I can look at those walls with the pieces that I love and enjoy them all the time. It doesn’t hurt that people are absolutely wowed when they come into my place !!! You really are a genius!!

  6. Love this piece! Really well-written Tania

  7. Great blog, Karyn! – Shayne