Pantry Worker

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Before today, I had no idea that you could have a career as a Pantry Worker. P.W.- another acronym that I forgot to put on my business card. Another day, another pantry. Apparently some of the Pantry Worker’s “assort-ing” duties would be to store food in designed containers to prevent spoilage. In my case it was – get rid of the spoilage from designated containers…I won’t spare you the details. Having bought out the entire section of opaque plastic containers in Walmart, I started to organize the pantry contents. Suffice it to say, that within a few minutes, I had an innocuous liquid spilling down the walls from some elusive container on the top shelf – the pungent aroma lingering dramatically for the rest of the afternoon. One of the children came home and phoned my client at work, saying it smelled like someone had diarrhea. (He tends to be a very graphic child.) I ended up filling a garbage bag careening over with empty boxes of flax seed, a couple of bottles save two fingers of Jack Daniel’s, opened bags of Ruffle Sour Cream and Onion potato chips, stale raspberry almond tarts, four boxes of triple A batteries, deep fried onion rings past their best, a questionable package of mung beans, Polaroid pictures from 1962, Chinese New Year banners, 16 bottles of stale curry powder, a solidified molasses box, a lonely gray sock…and a partridge in a pear tree.