Seeking: Home Stylist

“Look, I know.  My house could stand to lose some clutter and get the pictures hung properly, and I need you help getting there.  But I’ll be honest:  I’ve felt overwhelmed by all the reality TV shows.  I want to know that you are there, sure, but counting every ornament?  I need my space!  That is why I’ll happily provide you with decorating magazines and a folding chair.  Feel free to analyze my rooms from afar – just try to do so without direct eye contact.Oh, and I’m acknowledging my selling intentions just by writing out this letter, right?  We’ll both know why we’re meeting.  So we don’t have to talk about where to hang the pictures and the furniture arrangement.  Let’s keep the chitchat to celebrity break-ups and the British biscuit market, shall we?I’d also prefer a hands-off approach.  Literally.  Not that I think physical activity is inappropriate.  It’s just that if the weight of the sofa is heavy enough for me to need a spotter, I’m probably not going to want to lift it in the first place.That should just about cover it.  I’d rather not give you my phone number, in case someday I sleep in and miss an appointment.  So how about this:  I’ll be at my house next Wednesday at 9 a.m., ready for you to get my house in order.  Meet me if you’d like the job, but please don’t talk to me – I’m not really a morning person.
Your Name

It was always my understanding that Demi Moore looks like she does, so I don’t have to. 

Almost without exception, any time I have styled a client’s home for sale, they have said, “We should had you do this for us years ago.”  At the same time, mediocrity is overrated. When I asked the other day, everyone seemed to feel that way too.

And although I can’t promise that I won’t talk to you about the quality of British biscuits, I do promise to transform your home into one of organized beauty and vitality where buyers say, I can live here.”