I recently became a proud member of the Do Nothing Club. Well, maybe not so recently. Like not during the past two centuries. Nevertheless, I am now enrolled, certified, and valiantly practicing. And trust me, in our history of Puritanism, Patriarchy and Pinterest, this is not as easy as one might think.

Of course, this isn’t an actual club. I’m an closet introvert and don’t join or start, or even talk about clubs, but I really felt the need to pass on this information in case you had time to do nothing.   Most people don’t understand the importance of doing nothing. They assume that doing nothing means doing nothing all the time or thinly disguised as procrastination and laziness, but in truth, it is one of the best things anyone can do for oneself – and the world – because doing nothing gives us the energy to do something.

DOING NOTHING IS AN ACTION. Don’t know why I had to say that so loud.

It takes time to do nothing. I am guessing that for most of your lives you have been running at an unsustainable pace, multi-tasking your way through the day, enjoying or being present for very little of it. When exactly did those tulips come out last year, you do remember the moment your child took their first step, or when Facebook changed your status to “single”.

We are filled with uncertainty all day long, and that drives us to try to do more, to get control of everything, to cram more into our lives, to stay addicted to technology and distraction.

For the most part society measures our worth by what we accomplish. Daydraming is seen as a sign of weakness, a habit to be eradicated. I garner, most CEO’s would not be impressed if we gazed out of our window for half an hour at work.

Over the years, I too, have been known to rearrange all my books by colour, lift weights, and make a painstaking ascent over a Himalayan mountain, although not often all at once.

We are not assaulted by our social media hamster wheel of constant, incessant information that has now become de rigueur, our devices exposing us to a barrage of colliding and clamouring messages; a world of pop-up notifications, LinkedIn requests, 24/7 Facebook “news” feed, tinging emails, Twitter alerts, Snapchat (the fastest way to share a moment), mule feed advertisements, and the counterfeit crowns that come in the form of reposts, retweets and “likes”.

We have developed a Pavlovian response to this New Age torture device –  two people at dinner having separate dates with their iPhones, finding tweets from strangers more interesting than the person sitting across the table. Or worse, a game of Candy Crush. 

And can’t we just have one meal in a restaurant without taking a picture of it?

I cannot begin to list all the ways that this is not okay. Our attention span has dwindled to all of 29.8 seconds. 

It may not seem that way to you now, but there is an outside chance you will not live forever. Do you want your children to remember you as some old dude who was completely disengaged because we couldn’t stop staring at our phone?Remember, we all have an expiration date.

So put your phone down and really look at the person in front of you. Do something crazy, like have a conversation.

If you want to feel out of place in a public setting these days, just start staring off into space or watching people as they walk by. Do it long enough and someone is liable to walk up and ask you if you’re feeling OK.

Now I do more nothing. Not all nothing, but more nothing.

At the beginning, my family almost staged an intervention when they found me aimlessly staring at clouds possibly thinking about learning to knit Icelandic earflap hats. But they got used to it, especially when they each received a hat for Christmas.   It may also be because my cell phone had been tragically killed in a drinking accident the week before.

So how do you practice the art of doing nothing.

1. Stop saying, “I’m busy”, like it’s a badge of honour.

2. Put a tiny block of “do nothing” on your calendar every day. You don’t have to determine how you’ll spend your do nothing time in advance, in fact, that’s the point.  “Slow drip” efforts applied consistently over time are the real game changer here. Dive into the lush, deep forest of idleness. Watch how clouds break up. Listen to falling rain. Ponder your inherited tea cup collection.

3. Throw guilt to the wind. You aren’t choosing to do nothing because you are lazy, but because it’s essential to your health and happiness. You are choosing to do nothing because you are not a robot and because you’ve done enough already.

To do nothing at all is the most difficult thing in the world, the most difficult and the most intellectual.                                           – Oscar Wilde

4. Recognize the difference between nothing and numbing. Embrace Dolce far Niente, “the sweetnesss of doing nothing”, what Italians, for one, have done for centuries.

This does not mean being lazy. It is the pleasure one gets from being idle; the ability to completely enjoy and savour a moment. For Italians this concept is a part of their every day life; spending time with friends at a café, sipping wine at sunset, talking a stroll around the moonlit piazza. Italians make it an art form.

Have people over. Real hospitality doesn’t involve waiting until you finally buy a new couch, remodel the bathroom or have matching silverware, although I know a great place to buy some.

3. Do the math. If you are thinking, I don’t have time to do nothing, remind yourself that you’ll spend less time doing other things if you approach them with ease and clarity. You can’t do that when you are worn out. Good work doesn’t come from someone who is overworked.

Leave the dinner dishes. You don’t have to clean the kitchen the second you stop eating. Instead, go for a walk around the neighbourhood. The dishes aren’t going anywhere.

So this Sunday, wake up with a new mindset, the mindset of Italians. Enjoy the silence, stay in bed a little longer, eat chocolate Easter eggs, read poetry, have sex with your partner, stare at the ceiling, breathe in fresh air, organize your socks. Just be.

Hello, my name is Karyn, and I am an introvert. Many of you may not know this, especially if you don’t get out much, but the third week in March is National Introverts Week. I suppose I am now expected to get out of my jammies, turn off Netflix, wrap up the leftover pizza, drain the last of the cheap wine, and get out there to celebrate. Yes, it will be another draining week.

Most introverts prefer dogs over people, mainly because dogs don’t judge you for not going to a private school, never talk politics, and don’t expect you to take shots with them.

Introverts also prefer more solitary pursuits, like yoga. As for me, I have my own version of downward dog, where I curl up on my bed…okay, it’s a nap. Known to roll our eyes a lot, we introverts also prefer conferences where everyone stays home, meetings that last less than six hours, and we don’t need 317 birthday congratulations on our Facebook page. In fact, most of us probably don’t even have a Facebook page.

Unfortunately our culture is one that favours the extrovert; the gregarious, the enthusiastic, the sociable –  keeping Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People perennially in print.

Cause leave an extrovert alone for a minute and they immediately reach for their cell phone.

President Calvin Coolidge is supposed to have said, “Don’t you know that four-fifths of all our troubles in this life would disappear if we would just sit down and keep still?”, probably paraphrasing French philosopher Blaise Pascal who said, “All of humanity’s problems stem from the inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” Coolidge is also purported to have said, “If you don’t say anything, you won’t be called on to repeat it.” Sublime.

Interesting enough, with the bombardment of technology over the past few years, introversion seems to have become not only justified, but flattering; excusing passivity, anxiety, and simple laziness regarding communal life.  Wanting to be alone is healthy, but we have to be careful that we don’t use excuses to cover selfishness. With this deluge of social media, it’s now easier than ever to avoid human interaction. We send a disingenuous email instead of having a face-to-face meeting, we turn down a dinner invitation via text that we wouldn’t have had the gumption to decline over the phone, we post pictures of decorated cakes when we could be having coffee with someone. It’s becoming socially acceptable, even preferable. When we choose to stay in instead of going out, we get less and less social practice, our communication skills declining to where the mode of conversation is a monologue. We commune with little depth, clarity or reflection, forming opinions by the face our pugilistic table mate makes or the mutterings of the person with the IQ of a potted plant siting next to us, without investing the time to come up with our own thoughts and feelings.And don’t forget about the small army of glowing smartphones at dinner tables, in restaurants and bedrooms, at cash registers and airport line-ups – people hunched over their devices, heads bent, looking like a congregation of mourners…mistaken as presence and attention to others.  And don’t forget about the small army of glowing smartphones at dinner tables, in restaurants and bedrooms, at cash registers and airport line-ups – people hunched over their devices, heads bent, looking like a congregation of mourners…mistaken as presence and attention to others.  Yes, I admit to like curling up with a thick book and a hot cup of coffee. I use the book as a coaster for the coffee and browse the internet on my laptop while simultaneously texting my friends and flipping between channels on TV. What were talking about again? So whether an introvert or a wannabe, it’s not an understatement to say thathome is a bedrock to well-being. A home is more than a place, it’s a feeling and a state of mind, a vessel of desire.  We want our home to be a sanctuary, sustaining and fostering recuperation from outside stresses.

The term sanctuary means different things to different people, which is why it’s about creating vignettes and different zones to serve whatever we need and want out of our home. Decorating our home based on our personality will give a harmonized and balanced feeling that fits our lifestyle, allowing us to live with solace and ease.

There are a myriad ways to achieve this hygge comfort: Use neutrals or multiple textures of the same colour so the space is warm and layered, but still visually calming. Choose subtle patterns in furnishings and wall coverings. Choose furniture with clean lines and sleek surfaces. Mix organic materials like wood and wool, metal and linen, leather and fur, velvet and wicker. Purchase plush, comfortable seating to cozy up in. Invest in down toss cushions and pillows. Lay down flannel sheets or silk. Drape sumptuous throws on sofas. Have smaller, more enclosed areas for one (or plus one). Arrange furniture in an intimate grouping.Enjoy the glow of lamplight and control ambient lighting with dimmers for a perfect Zen feeling. Put in thick, lush carpet or area rugs. Design thoughtful vignettes that, even if only you notice, make you happy.Burn beautiful scented candles, like gardenia. Arrange a small bouquet of fresh flowers, a single tropical leaf in a vase, or grow plants.

By the way, if you’re looking for me, text me like normal people.

The weather. My God, it’s everywhere. Does anybody even remember summer? Maybe if we gave up trying to be warm, we’d have a pretty good time. Yes, there are days you just need something to look forward to – and sometimes that’s a doughnut.

About this time of the year we get a little stir crazy, longing for some freshness, some green, some colour, some palm trees, a beach…And yes, I’d rather be in Portugal with my frog prince.

I am not generally not well known for my eagerness to go outside in weather under 80 degrees. Fahrenheit. I mean, once you start overachieving, people expect things from you. So if I’m catching you at home instead of on the beach doing what you are supposed to be doing on the beach – reading my blog – there are things you can do,  besides consuming an inordinate amount of libations, to keep up your spirits, morale and health without buying anything new or going outside. Except for buying some doughnuts.  Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?  Styling your rooms should look like you just stepped out for Mexican food and will be back to your organized life momentarily. Okay, I can hear the chortling now…you don’t like Mexican food, so that’s not gonna happen.

Now there are some salient core principles involved when undertaking such a fundamental endeavour, as ours is a culture that measures our worth by our efficiency, our relatives, and our ability to make a passable fish taco. Number One: Declutter.  I have written ad nauseum about Kondo-ing, so let’s just move on, shall we? Number Two: Rearrange furniture.  The majority of homes don’t have the furniture in the right spot.  This is so important, as the proper arrangement of furniture can make a huge difference in the way you live in your home.  This is a zero-dollar way to make everything you already own feel almost brand new.  I have long lost track of the number of times staging clients have said, “I wish I would have known about you when I first moved in. I could have lived like this all this time.”

Would a piece in the living room work better in the main bedroom?  Number Three: Shop in your own home. Look at all your possessions in a new light. Or use the precious for everyday purposes: like a a crystal bowl for makeup brushes or a  porcelain vase for a pencil holder. Channel your inner stylist and experiment with items in oddly appealing ways you might not have considered before.

Number Four: Change out accessories from one room to another – bedroom cushions to your sofa, the living room table lamp to your bedside table, the vases in the family room bookcase to the kitchen shelf.

Number Five: Green it up. For an interesting and up-cycle way to incorporate greenery, use old silver urns or trophies as planters.

Buy carnations, the iceberg lettuce of the floral world, in great quantities and with abandon. Like icebergs, they last a long time. They come in a multitude of colours, are available all the time everywhere, and they’re inexpensive. Sensitive Styling Secret: Don’t mix the colours. And ditch those ordinary ferns that always seem to be attached in the package. Bring a little bit of paradise into a room with a large tropical leaf, like a monstera or philodendron, dropped in a tall clear container.  A fresh leaf will last for weeks. Number Six: Display everyday items as art.  Dig out what you thought were only utilitarian items and use them.

So maybe after all this, you won’t necessarily get Kondo-joy, but maybe find something you didn’t even know you needed: a sense of achievement.   So while you take down the last of those pea green sheers from your windows, I’m off to make a “Live Laugh Love” sign out of an old plank and 500 rusty nails.

So…last week we talked about weird phobias. Well, I mentioned one of them in a sentence. And I have been thinking about them ever since and I found one I would really like to talk about – arachibutyrophobia: the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your… Wait, that’s not the one. It’s ataxophobia. Ataxophobia: the fear of disorder or untidiness.  Well, I’m close.

It reminded me of my first staging job back in 1902, which actually turned out to be a de-cluttering job lasting six months as the client could only emotionally handle working two mornings a week – a job more akin to the ascent over the Annapurna. Her house was hopelessly chaotic. Doors wouldn’t fully open as they struck Mount Fuji-sized piles of stuff. There was an oddly appealing collection of framed cross-stitch samplers hanging on the wall along with pictures of possibly dead family members, boxes of journals that went back to when she was seven, ten years of mismatched socks, and an extremely ugly and kitschy collection of unmentionable wearables, shapes and straps in places you’ve never seen (and I’m assuming here), mostly because her chest development plateaued shortly after it started. It was a wasteland of shrapnel. Stuff had glaciered onto the back deck – and the garage stored stuff, not cars. I also knew how much she had paid for toilet paper since 1970, because the receipts were in a shoebox – among many, many other shoeboxes.

She dreamt of a finely curated house, an expanse of empty shelves – and her, all dressed in white.

“My dream is to organize the world.”

“You must begin by discarding.”

Now if you are one camera crew away from being a hoarder, or just want a happier, tidier life, the kawaii guru says that the first step is to put everything in a pile. I know – you’re way ahead of me. Then you ask yourself, “Does this item represent the other 27 mismatched reindeer mugs (for example) in my cupboards?”  Thirdly, you hold each item and ask if it brings you joy. If it doesn’t, release it. (Kneeling optional. Hail and Farewell not optional.)…I don’t know, maybe 17 pairs of pilled, black leggings really do spark joy. Cause I really don’t know you that well. Note: If other issues crop up as you are setting items free, consider tackling those with a therapist. Besides, if you throw out everything that has little purpose, you might find yourself out on the street waiting for the trash collector.  Hmmm…would it be crude to only hang around people that brought me joy?  Or that when you hold a bad boyfriend in your hand, realize he no longer sparks joy and dispose accordingly. Fourth. Only keep 30 books.  WHAT??

Fifth.  Own “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing”, like the 3 million other people on this earth. Unless they have discarded it because it didn’t bring them joy.   Now I think de-cluttering is mostly just plain horse sense. Here is the Kon-Karyn Method: If it’s messy, clean it up. Redirect stuff that you don’t need or use and all expired gum. Keep things if you really like them, especially interesting sugar packets from German cafes. “I might need it Someday” doesn’t cut it. Use up all free makeup samples. Better yet, don’t take them. No one needs a peanut butter making machine. Especially if they are arachibutyrophiacs. There is only 1 way to pronounce “detritus”. Dispose of a body correctly so that it can’t be found again. Things don’t belong in a giant pile on the floor. No one will ever need a Nokia n95 cable that connects to a fax machine. How can you access your self worth if you can’t point to a particular object that someone gave you and say, “They love me this much!” The easiest way to have a clean house is not to own a house in the first place. Dust. Maybe. “People cannot change their tidying habits without first changing their way of thinking.” Can I get a ‘Hallelu’ here? We are a culture of ‘buying more than we need’, valuing quantity over quality, pressured to buy more and more, believing in the false illusion of happiness through material possessions. And we end up buying into a growing set of storage solutions that ultimately doesn’t resolve the initial problem of “too much”. We need to whittle down our possessions to the essentials, like vegetables and electricity bills. It’s not deciding what items to get rid of, as much as deciding which items to keep – this, against all our natural instinct.   We need to evaluate our choices in a more meaningful way at the outset, not later. You get what you pay for – it’s a valid maxim. If you want something that lasts, wait until you can afford better rather than compromising with a cheap knock-off. No doubt this is not easy and not always practical as “hindsight is 20/20”, therefore we need to accept that some things will be mistakes. If we can confront and control the overwhelming abundance in our lives, and live more consciously with less, it’s hard to go wrong. When we have less, we appreciate more. It really is the altering of values.

But really, the purging approach goes beyond the sift and toss. It really is about appreciating our objects, clothes, furniture, pea green shag carpeting…the things that we love. In the end, stuff and decor need not be expensive, just genuine.

And then again, maybe and sometimes, what we should really do, is take our possessions, hold them in our hands, thank them for all they have given us, and put them right back where they were. 

Even Ghandi said that as long as you derive inner comfort from anything, you should keep it.

Do you think he meant even pink flamingos?

So keep your 31st book. Just don’t let Marie find out.

Period. End of Sentence. In homage to the film winning an Oscar on Sunday night for Best Documentary Short, a film about women in a rural village outside of Delhi leading a revolution against the taboo surrounding menstruation. Watch on Netflix before or after Tidying Up.

Phobias can get pretty strange.Take ‘antidaephobia’ for instance – the fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you… Who are these people?

So tell me, what’s with all these WHITE WALLS?

Few would name their favourite colours as white, beige, grey or black, yet often their closets and home are filled with these bland, neutral tones.

In North America, there seems to be a cultural bias against colour, dismissing it as child-like and frivolous – inconsiderate even, maybe even falling into degeneracy, depravity, disorientation, and excess – instead prizing neutral hues as a mark of urbane coolness and rational mature taste.

Scroll through Instagram feeds, flip through interior design magazines, Pinterest uploads…and all you see are interiors filled with white walls. O.K., sometimes they’re grey. And once in a while – greige. When the designers for these rooms are questioned as to how to make white rooms more interesting, they respond by saying that you just need to add some texture and a pop of colour – like a cushion.  I’d give up sarcasm, but that would leave me with interpretive dance as my only means of communication. (There is satisfaction in accurately naming the thing that torments you.)

You probably also now want to know my position on trans fats.

“I’m not afraid of colour, but I’m afraid of the wrong colour.”, say people everywhere.

“What if I get that chartreuse leather sofa I love and hate it in five years? I better go for black.” “What if that shade of red is too much in that room? Beige is safer.” “What if I tile my backsplash in cobalt blue, and it hurts the resale value?”

So afraid of making a mistake, they do nothing. But that in itself could be a mistake.  A lack of colour makes us feel uneasy, without even realizing why. A colourless space affects our mood negatively, our ability to concentrate, our productivity, as well as the inability to remember the name of the heart-shaped island off the coast of Croatia, between Zadar and Pasman. (It’s Love Island.)

Instead of giving into these fears, maybe we should just step back and say, “It’s okay to go a little bit nuts – or to put it in gentler terms, fascinatingly unbalanced – to have fun with this whole thing, and to start injecting some colour into my life.”

Not that some of you don’t already have enough colour in your lives – and I don’t mean the walls and furnishings.  

Our lives aren’t pure and perfect, and our homes don’t have to be either.

Hold out for perfect and you end up holding nothing.

Many believe that working with neutrals is easier than working with colour, that they are less daunting and easier to play with and interchange.

They feel that they must be easy to work with because neutrals dominate nature – no, I don’t think so. I think if you’ve actually read what quantum physics has to say about nature as I have – well, I read an email from someone who’d read it…

Neutrals actually can be more difficult to work with than colour as there are different tones in each neutral – greys, browns, blues, greens, yellows, pinks, purples, etc., and combinations thereof.

So, what rooms or areas are best for experimenting with colour? Dining rooms painted a deep colour, such as claret or aubergine and illuminated by dimmed lighting and candlelight, makes the room feel classier and cosier. Powder bathrooms can be treated as amped up little gems, painted or wallpapered in crisp, energetic colours. The front entry painted in a high-octane hue can be transformed from okay to extraordinary.

So for all you chromophobiacs who are still reticent to take on the challenge of painting a dynamic colour on your wall, purchasing a brightly coloured sofa, or installing a vividly patterned floor, there are always these tried and true ways to bring colour into your life and home. Fresh flowers and plant pots Lamps and lampshades Textiles such as walls hangings, quilts, toss cushions, throws, and area rugs  Artwork, photos and decorative items such as vases and baskets Botanicals and plants Open storage showing off coloured dinnerware A side chair

So what are the top 3 decorating tips I give to someone who is afraid of colour?

1. Snap out of it.
2. Start small – try adding colourful cushions on your sofa and if you are really daring, a throw.
3. Hire a designer.

Our lives aren’t pure and perfect, and our homes don’t have to be either.

Hold out for perfect and you end up holding nothing.

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.  Otherwise known as the day of mismanaged expectations and mysterious chocolates that nobody really enjoys.  …the day where everyone has an equal chance to be emotionally disappointed.  Not everybody waits for Valentine’s Day with bated breath. Some of us would rather go into hiding and then emerge out on February 15 to buy up all the discounted chocolate.

Eat what you want, exercise your prerogative, and find a good plastic surgeon who gives frequent flyer miles.  – Miss Piggy

Others of us have more grandiose plans. 1. Have breakfast in bed, preferably with chocolate. 2. Anticipate the delivery of a bouquet of roses. 3. Dinner for two.  4. Regret eating two dinners.

Well, at least my whipping cream has a date.

You are never alone on Valentines’s Day if you have bread and are near a lake.  – Nick Primavera

My friends often accuse me of having an intimacy problem. 

But they don’t really know me. 

It’s not that I dislike people. It’s just that I feel better when they aren’t around.

Then again, one of the greatest privileges of being on one’s own is the flattering illusion that one is, in truth, really quite an easy person to live with.

Yes, I think I’m the one.

Well, if you don’t have a sweetheart to consider, you might as well use Valentine’s Day as an excuse to buy something nice for yourself that’s not a quart of ice cream.

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?  – Lily Tomlin

It’s no secret that we humans are hardwired for connection, but I think that men are more romantic than women.

For what woman can afford to be romantic, when they know that one day they will probably have to perfect the Lamaze method?

And not only for childbirth.

Love is taking time for yourself, your special people, and of course and ultimately why I write these commodious leitmotifs – for your home.

Making a home in this world is a function of making time to love.

Making time is taking time and giving ‘hyggelite’attention to being a good friend, spouse, daughter, brother – to remember your elderly neighbour with her meowing stray cat, to any that ask for help, and to any of your plants that have names.

Why not show up for even one like you wish someone would show up if it were you? We need to show up for each other. And water our plants.

We have such a lax regard for time, a careless disdain of fate. We take so much for granted, thinking we have all the time in the world, but maybe that last time is the last time we will get to see someone. 

Say “I love you!” while you can.

Speaking like a Hallmark card, the only real gift you can give is a bit of your heart. Caring makes for a stronger heart, for a love of a life worth living.

One can never know anyone as completely as they want. But that’s okay, love is better. The experience against which everything else is measured. 

Pablo Piccasso or Shakespeare or Reece Witherspoon, depending on what social media platform you follow, wisely said that the purpose of your life is to find your gift — and then give it away. 

Speaking of giving, nothing says romance more than a book on parenting. 

By the way, I’m available anytime if you would like to talk – but not now, I want to be alone. I’m going to put on my pyjamas now because I’ve been out of them for over three hours, and I’m getting a little anxious.    Here’s to a love-ly Valentine’s Day.  But no pressure. Unless, of course, that’s what you want. I mean, we can see how it goes… This got awkward. Sorry.

New Year’s resolutions, better known as casual promises that you are under no legal obligation to keep, are generally not for me. Rather than setting myself up to fail, I prefer to cut out the middleman and jump straight to not doing things. But 3 years ago, I came up with a resolution I could actually keep. It had everything an achievable goal should have. It was specific ― not vague or lofty, like “take more pictures of cats” or “ strive to  master making origami cranes” ― it was a small, daily task with measurable results. And it was intrinsically motivated — I was doing this for me and me alone.   My resolution: drink more alcohol. And I did it. I’m still doing it today. Matter of fact, I’m doing it right now. It’s a valiant effort.

Statistics show that 92% drop their New Year’s Resolution in about 7 minutes flat. If you are very, very quiet, you can hear them breaking all over the world.

My New Year’s resolution is to be more active. Sexually.

Developing a good habit, or breaking a bad one, isn’t easy, as anyone who has endeavoured to make a New Year’s resolution can attest.It is now well-known that there is no magic time interval to make a habit. Not 21 days, not 30 days for majestic abs, not 66 days to stop late night snacking.  The best way to begin a new habit is to set the bar incredibly low.  You pick something so small, it’s easy to do. For instance, you want a tidy house, then start with tidying up your bathroom. Every Day. That’s it. Motivation is not required and you never raise the minimum. The goal remains to only tidying up your bathroom  – everyday. Anything more is a bonus. If you want to maintain the habit, and hopefully one day exceed it, you need to be okay with just doing the original version of it.

My New Year’s Resolution is to be a nicer person. Stop laughing. I can do this.

There was a study led by Kaitlin Woolley from Cornell University and Ayelet Fishbach from the University of Chicago in 2016, who found that the enjoyment factor was the only thing that mattered in keeping New Year’s Resolutions.In other words, if you get immediate rewards from your new habits, you will be more likely to stick to them.

This past year I went to the gym four times. My New Year’s resolution is to cut that number in half.

It’s something like the age old age battle of doing what you want to do, and not what you should do -– like always returning your grocery cart and not wearing questionable fashion statements.

“Should-ing” on yourself is never a good idea. It only leads to guilt, shame, remorse, and probably more drinking. Take that one word, “should” out of your vocabulary, and you may stand a fighting chance of scaling the heights of sorting through those closets, tackling the garage, or thinning out the filing cabinets.  “Should” implies that whatever you are planning is only a possibility, not a reality. In other words, you’re giving yourself an excuse simply by saying you “should” do something, rather than you “will” do something.

I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, and I think my New Year’s Resolution is to spend most of 2019 in a kaftan.

The secret also lies in not overthinking.  As Nike says, Just Do It, and pretty soon and before you know it, you may find yourself deep in recycling bags. That is, after you take that 30 minute walk that you vowed to do everyday since 1804. I know, I’m being surprisingly unhelpful.

So, as someone dragging a trail of abandoned yoga mats and full water bottles, it’s nice to finally see the bottom of a promise fulfilled. And, yes, refilled.

My New Year’s Resolution will to become more assertive, if that’s okay with you, guys.

By the way, January 17 is National Ditch New Year’s Resolutions Day, or in the case of a small majority, the anniversary of Prime Minister Patrice Emery Lumumba’s Assassination.

Here’s to a powerful and cheerful year. Let’s get started.

I remember when Christmas consumerism – I mean decorating – started the day after Hallowe’en.But this year, 2 weeks before Hallowe’en when I was looking for that elusive but necessary, orange plastic pumpkin with interior self-timing lights, I was picking around silver reindeer, gaudy ceramic Christmas elves, and red bead garlands. It’s enough to drive a person to lie down until the impulse to shop passes. It’s getting earlier every year. Advertisers ramp up their ads. Parking spots vanish, traffic clogs, Christmas carols chant from stores, line-ups lengthen, chocolates are consumed, tape tangles, wrapping paper tears, and boxes break. Disappointment everywhere. The frenzy builds and before we know it, we’re left with emptier wallets, fuller drawers, and gain a nervous twitch that lasts till May.   We are a nation of mostly disposal goods. Each year we spend more and more money, buying more and more stuff. It’s now been rendered so normal by advertising and social media that we hardly have noticed what this collective madness has done to us.

But here’s what I know for sure. You can’t buy serenity or peace of mind, because it’s an inside job and Amazon can’t deliver it in time for Christmas. This is the most horrible truth and I so resent it. Also chocolate with 75% cocoa is not actually a food.

How can we be more environmentally responsible, stretch our dollars, but more importantly, give of our heart? Do you have picture frames that you could reuse or update by inexpensively changing out a mat, or inserting a new photograph or piece of art? It is now a comic tradition that every year I secretly take a piece of art off the wall of my son-in-law’s home to reframe or re-mat. The amazing part is, not only does he not miss it, but hardly recognizes it as his own when unwrapping Christmas morning.

Can you recover old toss cushions? Make a quilt? Buy from an organization that not only makes items from reused fabrics, but supports people in need?

Think about treating your special someone to gifts they can enjoy for months or even years.   I know, it’s a slippery slope. Next thing you know, you’ll be making your own pasta. Or know where your IKEA Allen key is.   Subscriptions, memberships, event tickets, or treat them to activities and places to enjoy together.    Give them something of yours they have always coveted.   Package some of your books they would love to own.

Speaking like a Hallmark card, pen a letter telling someone how much you appreciate and love them. Our most potent offering is that of gratitude. Practicing this is a radical act in our excrescent, consumption-driven society, for it’s not what we get, but what we give thanks for, that gives us abundant life.    Make a photo book of your last vacation together.

Give yourself and your loved ones a Christmas gift by making a personal commitment to being healthy during this holiday season and beyond. Good health is undoubtedly more valuable than anything you can buy. As for me, I’ve decided that I’ll never get down to my original weight and I’m okay with that. After all, 8 lbs, 7 oz. is just not realistic.   By the way, always decorate your home with lots of mistletoe. This won’t really help the environment, but more kissing has got to be good for world peace.

Bake them a cake, write a poem, spend an afternoon with them, but don’t trash the planet to tell someone you care. You can’t do it all, but you can do what you can.  We don’t know when and how we are leaving the greatest marks on the world. It all matters.  Merry Wonderful to all. By the way, don’t forget to drink water and get plenty of sunlight, because you are basically a plant with more complicated emotions.

It was a Thursday. It started like most Thursdays. An extra hot cappuccino and scrambled eggs. To begin with, I hadn’t planned on crossing “Dumpster Diving” off my bucket list. Mainly because dumpsterdiving was never on my bucket list. But there it is. Imperfectly imagined.  This may not have been a deeply salient experience, but all of this happened; more or less. It also could have lead one to drinking gin at 9 o’clock in the morning.

Here’s what happened.I was once again asked to decorate for the CADS spring gala. As in most impecunious decorating jobs, it is de rigueur to repeat. One also is afforded the added challenge of coming up with “cost-effective” ideas. i.e. FREE.    So I thought, for this year, why don’t I use skis and ski boots as the mainstay?    The question now becomes, how was I going to get a zillion free skis and boots?    Kijii.   I submitted my plea.   Unbeknownst to me, it just so happened that the “biggest ski sale in the world” was starting the next day – and it just so happened that a volunteer from the sale saw my ad late that night.    She contacted me.   I contacted her.   And the rest is dumpster history.      That is, after two hours of precariously draping over the edge of this  massive bin laboriously untangling skis from each other and sifting through soggy Starbucks cups, half-eaten McDonalds hamburgers and Twinkies, cardboard and bubble wrap, bologna wrappers and apple cores, growth hormone flyers and a broken umbrella, ripped sweaters and i-Phone cords, dripping beer cans and sticky lime green fluorescent tape. So two hours later, looking like 40 miles of rough road with a couple of digits  ceremoniously glued together, I had this.  Jesus, Mary, and Joseph and all his carpenter friends!   “Enough.”, said my back. “But I want more.” I answered. “Maybe I can come back tomorrow.”  “That’s enough.”, said my brain. “How do you know it’s enough?”, I retorted.  “I need more.”, now sounding like the whining modulations of a circular saw.  “Enough is enough.”, repeated my back.   Our culture measures our worth by our efficiency, our earnings, or our ability to perform. Many of usthink that we are not allowed to say we have enough. It almost seems undemocratic.    Enough doesn’t mean everything is perfect, complete or done; it simply means we have enough because we’ve met a goal.   Whether in our home, at work, in our closet, on our dinner plate, or in our schedule, we get to say, “That’s enough.”    We not only get to say enough, we have to say it.   So how much is enough? Are 2 pairs of running shoes enough? Are 6 black tee shirts enough? Are 3 sets of dishes enough – one set for company that never seems to get used? Are 47 pairs of skis enough?     Again, how much is enough? We need to be watchful about what comes into our home, and purposeful about what goes out.  The idea of infinite economic growth is the biggest threat we face.   So what can we do differently?   1. Don’t buy it unless you really want/need it. – Our reliance on the ability to return pretty much anything is handy, but not so great for the earth. Why? Because most of those things you return are not resalable and as a result end up in the dumpster.   2. Buy really good quality items. – Invest in something that is good quality so that you don’t end up having to buy 3 or 4 of the same thing or replace a piece of furniture because it was not solid wood that can be repaired if chipped or scratched. 3. Organize your belongings so you don’t buy another one of the same because you can’t find it.  4. Eat those solo bananas. – Often stores throw out solo bananas because no one ever buys them. So give them some love and put them in your cart. 5. Buy locally. – Buying locally will help reduce waste because local producers are less likely to waste  food and packaging, merely because they can’t afford to just throw away heaps of what they have produced. 6. Support smaller stores or non-chains. 7. Borrow or barter. – Instead of buying something that you may only use once or twice, think about who you know that already has one.      Sometimes we think our good is not good enough. We forget that our life is enough. That our rutted, long road is enough – that each day is enough. That our calling, our story, our singleness, our children, our body, our friends, our health – all of this is more than enough.    We don’t build our life by being better than someone else; we build our life by being better than we used to be.    By the way if anyone has any skis, snowboards or ski boots they don’t need, I don’t have enough.