I believe that what we want and need most in our homes is to experience a sense of welcome. No matter what the decorating style, homes should possess the solace of comfort. We all want a home and spaces that we can enjoy and use without clearing off the debris first.

Consider how caring for our homes is an expression of our authenticity. Creating a comfortable, well-run home can be among our most satisfying accomplishments.

Clearing away the clutter is a spiritual endeavour made up of choices, not chores, and the process can be as satisfying and empowering as the results. With every mite of clearing, you are creating a calm, clear space for yourself; making room for wonderful new gifts to come into your life, such as order and serenity.

For most of us, cleaning and clearing is all about completing the task, so much so, that it’s often hard to start a task we know we won’t have enough time to complete. (That’s probably why the living room couch is usually covered with laundry).

Zen monks have a practice called soji.

It usually lasts about 20 minutes, where each monk is assigned a specific task each day, and he does it calmly without trying to finish the task. After 20 minutes, the work leader walks around ringing a bell that signals the end of soji. When they hear the bell, they simply stop what they are doing. If the floors are only half swept, if there are still dishes to be dried, if they only polished half of the windows – it doesn’t matter- they just put away their tools and move on to the next thing.

In fact, you can apply this practise to basically anything on your to-do list. Work for 20 minutes without answering your phone or checking your email or concerning yourself with how far you’ve gotten and just work to work. Solely focus on the task at hand. Then, when the 20 minutes are up, stop what you’re doing and move on.

Another thing that soju can teach us is how to get tasks done even when we don’t feel like doing them, to accept your work assignment without comment. It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel like drying the dishes or if you hate the smell of window cleaner or if you actually love raking leaves for that matter. You just do what is assigned to you, in silence, and ideally with no preference. Or if you do have a preference, you learn to ignore it.

Cleaning like a monk without caring if the task can be finished, also helps you get started on a task that may be daunting to complete

I once had a client that was not able to use her library den for over a year until placing the “Plea for Help”, as there was not one inch of floor space, being completely covered with a myriad of book-filled boxes. We systematically (with some severe hand-holding) went through each box; first purging, then organizing the books on the shelves, then finishing by styling the shelves. It only took three hours.

(I’m sorry, but in this case, 20 minutes every day would have taken her into her next life.)

This practice, called o-soji, also takes place in most Japanese schools as well, right after the students eat lunch. Everyone from first-graders all the way up to high schoolers are expected to spend a certain amount of time cleaning their classroom or another part of the school. The daily cleaning the students do is an integral part of their day.

Cleaning is just as much for the students as for the school. Having students clean on a regular basis helps teach them discipline and respect for public space.

So consider approaching some of the tasks in your life from the soji perspective.

What would happen if it wasn’t so much about finishing but more about simply doing?

What burdens can be put down when we redirect our energies not toward the goal but into the process itself, into each moment along the way?

I’ve been trying to start this newsletter for the last forty-five minutes and all I have to show for it is a blank page and forty-five minutes of my life that have been spent alternately staring at a blinking cursor, checking Twitter to see if the person who’s trying to hack into my account has succeeded, and watching old footage of the Perseid Meteor shower from the Canary Islands.

Yes, its been one of those exhilarating days going up and down three flights of stairs for four hours transforming A Scary Closet (including dismissing said scary items to a lower rank…i.e. the basement) into one that looks like it’s off the pages of House and Home, but with a lot more clothes and personality. So I’m a little tired, and when I’m tired, it’s easy to get a little down and out.

Maybe by the day after tomorrow, which happens to be the third day of the rest of my life, I’ll wake up feeling as fresh as a daisy. Assuming you’re thinking of a daisy that has been run over by a lawnmower. Twice.
Now getting to the topic at hand…seeds of virtue. Because that’s what I wrote at the top of the page.

Being virtuous may sound old-fashioned nowadays. Yet we all need to develop positive qualities like dutifulness, prudence, industriousness, humour and trustworthiness in order to better connect to all those we care about.

It’s the same with preparing a home for sale. There needs to be positive preparation techniques in order that each home connects quickly to a buyer; positive virtues such as cleanliness, order, comfort, delight, and interest.

Staging a home for sale is setting it up so a buyer immediately falls in love with it. Effective staging entails arranging the furniture appropriately and then styling it with grace and finesse, bringing in feelings of comfort, care, harmony and organization, thus giving the house the good attention it deserves by showcasing it’s full potential.
Putting a house on the market without first professionally staging it, is like a novice pilot assuming they can fly after sending a paper plane successfully around the room.

They say insanity is doing the same old thing while expecting different results.

Or maybe what you are doing is working, but maybe it could be working better.

… to commit to something different. Something new. Not to a result, but commit to the process of ever-improving results.

If anyone has lived on this planet as an adult for more than two decades, then it is highly probable they have quite the accumulation.

Nowadays people are bit more aware of how much stuff they have because it is beginning to be a bit of social stigma if you have too much stuff.

There’s now a name for these people. Hoarders. Back in the day, they were just called grandmothers.

DE-CLUTTERING alone, can be worth a mint before putting a house on the market.

I think a lot of us wish that if we bought every organizing book on Amazon and put them under our pillow for ten nights in a row, we would be completely organized, but it doesn’t seem to work that way. And then again, most organizing books would be vastly improved by reading them aloud pairing them with interpretive dance.

Now that would be an unholy union.

Getting rid of such things is easy for me while staging. I have no emotional attachment to them, but sometimes it’s not so easy for the seller.

It can be difficult to convince them to admit to the logic of saying goodbye to 3 colanders, 4 bags of stuffed toys, a forest of brooms, 12 glass canisters of varying heights, a one-hole punch, a VHS tape of Saturday Night Fever, a rusty sifter, a candy dish decorated with squirrels around the rim, a pogo stick, a tweed bowler hat, a wine-making kit, beeswax candle stubs, a framed paint-by-number picture of Canada geese, 12 different sets of paper napkins, tattered bathrobes, a broken typewriter, nesting baby blue Samsonsite luggage, blankets that hadn’t been unfolded in 23 years, fly swatters, lobster bisque stockings, paper fans from Chinatown, Thai take-out menus, styrofoam egg cartons, purses with one handle, singleton rubber boots, a potholder which more holes than fabric, several dozen records without covers, a sixth-grade autograph book, a unopened set of pansy dessert plates, and three Bocce balls.

You can have too much of a good thing.

Tips for sellers:

Weed out anything you wouldn’t want to get caught wearing in public.
Hold on to what you need to hold on to. But if you haven’t used it or it’s a surprise to you that you even own it, let it go.
If you can’t remove the stains, remove what the stains are staining.
Never get rid of love letters. Or anything that makes you smile.
If it’s made of newsprint, get rid of it.
If the best thing you can say about it that it was cheap, toss it.
No buyer is interested in how many moisturizers you own. That’s what bathroom cabinets are for.
Keep in mind that clutter-free does not mean compulsive; you want to organize your home for selling, not hide all signs of it.

First, double check that you have thrown out all that you can.
Ask yourself – Do you truly need all this stuff?
The 70’s have come and gone, so it may be time to let go of the KC and the Sunshine Band tapes and your comprehensive Chicago LP collection. And by the way, how many times have you actually used that bread-maker?

Some storage deserves to be closed.
Like your first report card, or that unfortunate snapshot of you taken the day you got braces.

Access is more important than quantity.
Closets and storage are not effective and do not show well if you can’t see everything at a glance.

A good rule of thumb is to store objects one-deep in appropriately sized storage units. Two feet is ideal for blankets; two inches is perfect for Q-Tips.

Covering up things can work, but only if the cover is a lot better than what it hides. For example, a huge armoire in the living room holding the TV-on-steroids makes the problem bigger. Don’t make it the focal point of a room and then pretend nobody won’t notice the TV because it is behind cabinet doors. Likewise a speaker with a plant on top. It doesn’t mask the speaker; it draws attention to it.

The secret to a fruitful sale? Staging it well to sow the seeds for success.

It’s easy to get irritated by people who are concerned about details. These are the people who seem to have a homunculus who walks around in their head with a lab coat and stopwatch.

They are bothered by a comma, in the wrong place (that was on purpose), they get upset if the dishwasher is not stacked the way they prefer, it takes them two months to settle on a colour to repaint the bedroom, they are convinced that they need to reorganize all their back issues of National Geographic, they sort their shopping bags by size and colour, they will not leave the house with dishes in the sink, they obsessively wipe dust off their computer screen and clean their keyboard with dipped-in alcohol cotton swabs, they know the price of 100 medium-size paper clips, and the exact number of CDs they own.

We give them interesting descriptives: pernickety, obsessive, perfectionist, pedantic. We feel they have a skewed sense of importance and lack a sense of proportion. They can magnify trivia until it becomes important enough to control their life. Behind their backs we mock them for their absurd devotion to things we believe are an utterly waste of time and attention.

They are as unaware of their particular propensities as the person who shows up with her famous casserole that is famous for all the wrong reasons.

But what actually bothers us about fussy people is not that they are interested in detail – but rather that we sense that they are focused on the wrong details – that is, on unimportant ones.

Sometimes we need to recruit and honour fussy people – because fussiness well-directed is a key to success. It just needs to be directed in areas that matter.

Like in styling a home.

Many feel that the 80/20 rule is good enough – there is no need to be overly fussy. Known as the “Pareto Principle”, the 80-20 rule states that 80% of outcomes can be attributed to 20% of the causes for a given event.

But this law of the vital few is not the law I like to use when styling or decorating a home.

In order to save time, energy and money, some insouciantly think it is ‘good enough’ to shove extraneous items into closets or basements or anywhere they think no one will look  or that it doesn’t matter.

It matters.

The only people you may be fooling with the oppressive intimacy of overstuffed closets, halls, storage rooms or basements – is you.

Art that is not hung well can ruin a room, even if the furniture and accessories are placed properly.

Conversely, if done properly, it can triple the overall effect of a room. Like the adage, “a picture is worth a thousand words”, it is worth the time, expense and effort to have it done professionally. You could say it’s the art of diversion – and excellent styling.

From surfeit to loss

We may also include in the “fussy and odd” category, people who are a bit off base with their thinking of how rooms should be decorated. Many are confounded thinking they need to buy new pieces or that they need to get rid of pieces.

I have rescued many homes where the only problem is that the furniture is arranged badly. This makes a world of difference. It is a matter of proper spacial planning, integrating appropriate traffic paths and designing intimate conversation groupings.

Sometimes pieces can be used in another room and be given another use. For example, if the dining room doesn’t have room for the matching hutch, it could be moved to a bedroom to be used for storage, crafts, sewing materials, or to house clothes.

Think about going an extra mile by giving some time and attention to tweaking closets, kitchen cupboards, bookshelves; or bringing some colour in by painting a feature wall, buying bright toss cushions or a throw: or purchasing matching storage baskets, towels, bedskirt or a better lamp, so as to bring the room to is full majesty. 

How many times has this happened to you?

You are at a dinner party…in a meeting…with a friend…interviewing for a job…going on a date, and are deeply engaged in a topic you know well. But perhaps for whatever reason, you are not on top of your game at that moment, or are a bit self-conscious, tired, distracted, or worried about looking foolish.

When challenged on some point, you find yourself at a complete loss for words, incapable of cobbling together even a semblance of a coherent, – never mind ingenious response.

Soon after, you leave. On your way down the staircase, you continue to replay that humiliating moment in your mind, searching for that perfect cutting or witty retort you would have loved to deliver to your frenemy. Just as you reach the bottom of the stairs, you find it. Eureka!

The question. Should you turn around, walk back up the stairs, and return to deliver your illustrious comeback?

Of course not. It’s too late. The moment — and with it, the opportunity — had passed.

This is what Diderot wrote about this experience in 1773, “A sensitive man, such as myself, overwhelmed by the argument leveled against him, becomes confused and can only think clearly again [when he reaches] the bottom of the stairs.”

And so he coined the phrase l’esprit d’escalier — the spirit of the stairs, or staircase wit – the incisive remark you come up with too late.

The perfect comeback. The lost retort. And it carries with it a sense of regret, disappointment, humiliation.

We all want a do-over. But we seldom get one.

Luckily STAIRCASES in our homes need not be prone to such comportment. There is always another chance to right the wrong, fix the unfixable, or utilize the “it’s never too late” philosophy – in other words to experience great “growth fulness” if we keep our wits about us.

I would now like to look more closely at specific areas of rectifying pejorative staircase design/colours/styling/cluttered and other worthwhile endeavours to reflect positive social values that – hey!! Where you going? Get back here!

Now to avert events like sprained ankles, lawsuits and an appropriate amount of profanity, we need to put our best foot forward, starting with the front steps.

How many times have I had to manoeuvre a maze-like obstacle course just to get to the doorbell of client’s homes. It’s important to keep the coast clear for great curb appeal, hungry guests and quick get-aways.Often the same amount and type of extraneous debris found on the front steps (except for snow shovels, empty plant pots and ineffectual umbrellas) can be found on interior stairs and landings, which need to be kept clear at all times. 

There are some houses that are fortuitous to have a small shelf halfway up the staircase that many erroneously believe is a laundry basket or grounds to display a collection of small dusty candles and unframed archival photographs of distant ancestors. Contrary to years of mismanagement, this is actually an opportune styling situation for a grouping of mainly TALL art object(s).Then we have the niche, where many are wont to lay down the smallest object they own. Simply put, it’s the two-thirds design height rule, or at least half.

But then again, rules are meant to be broken.

The stairway wall leading up to the next floor can serve as an art gallery, although I have to warn you, this is quite difficult to pull off without a truly talented stylist with a penchant for heights and a small level. 

Some homes have a staircase landing wide enough for an art gallery or family photos (if not, my favourite space is the upstairs hallway wall)…

or stairs wide enough for shelves.

So in your home, you can be real, have a second chance – and come up with that “zinger” line.

Just go back up the stairs again.

A querencia is a Spanish word that is difficult to translate. It basically means a place where we feel safe, a ‘home’. It doesn’t actually have to be where we live, it’s a place from which we draw our strength and inspiration. For example, in bullfighting, a bull may stake out a querencia in a part of the ring where he will gather his energies before another charge.

Where is your querencia?

Another difficult-to-translate Spanish word is friolero, meaning having a special sensitivity to cold. Being friolero doesn’t imply criticism. It’s like being double-jointed or lactose intolerant: it’s just a fact about you.

The word is affectionate. Some of one’s favourite people might be especially friolero – and therefore in special need of blankets and hugs. Which is me. And if truth be told, most of us.

How do we give ourselves comfort?

How can we make a little space in our hearts for every place that we arrive at?

Valentine’s Day might just be the perfect reminder to do just that. It’s like puling a thread from a sweater; the next thing you know you have a pile of yarn on the floor. 

How do we solve the problem of how to love your life? (And your rooms.)

This journey to knowing yourself is lifelong work. We form bonds to be of service to others, not to ourselves. But service must be given freely. To give freely of oneself, one must know oneself. And when you know who you are and what you stand for, you stand in wisdom.

Everyone has their own paradoxical inner rain. When you really want to disappear, is when you really want to be seen. When you really don’t want to talk, is when you really want to be heard. When you really want to be left alone, is when you really want to be comforted. When you really want to run away from everybody, is when you really want to be found – by almost anybody.

The things that were. The things that could have been. The things you hoped for. The splinters in your heart. The rips in your sofa.

Do you use elegiac bedding that has been with you since university dorm days?

Do you wistfully yearn for stillness and languorous reading time, but don’t have a comfortable chair or proper lighting?

Have you been caught in the crosshairs meaning to get some pieces framed – and hung?

Do you long to bring some sentimental objects into a new story in your home, but have no idea what box they are packed in?

Do you treat yourself to fresh flowers or even one?

Have you made playlists of your favourite music?

Things can fail, but it didn’t necessarily mean that you have failed. You never fail if you can put your feet on the floor the next morning. And when you come to the end of yourself, that’s when something else can begin.

Georgia O’Keefe said that whether or not you succeed or not is irrelevant, as there’s no such thing. Success is an arbitrary measurement and it’s not always a victory march. It defines who we are, it’s uncomfortable, flowery and won’t always go well.

What if success was measured by how much better or worse you left the place than when you arrived?

What if it was measured by how kindly you’ve treated yourself and others, and how respectful you were of your emotions and experiences, and theirs?

What if it was measured by well you loved, and by how much grace and fortitude you displayed in the face of life’s challenges?

What if it were measured by how compassionate and forgiving you were with the unfinished diamonds of others who are on the same journey as you are? That you had the palatable, reassuring sense that it’s okay to be a human being.

What if it was measured by how much joy you brought to the table? (By the way, if I had read the above paragraphs on the inside of book jacket, I might have searched for a lightly used copy on Amazon.)

It’s no secret that we’re hardwired for connection.

Making a home in this world is a function of making time to love. It is taking time for yourself and for your family. It’s taking time and giving attention to being a good friend and to the forgotten neighbour next door with her meowing stray cat.

We have such a careless disdain of fate. We think we have all the time in the world, but sometimes we will never get the chance to see someone or some place again.

All we can do is make the moments we have matter.

Maybe now is the day to start.

We all need to develop positive yet challenging qualities like confidence, devotion, and faith in order to better connect to those we care about and accomplish the tasks we truly value. In order to cultivate these virtues, we human beings need regular reminders of their dimensions and importance.

Valentine’s Day can be this kind of ambit nudge, serving as a prompt so that, ideally, we can change and thus grow.

I’d tell you more, but frankly, I’m getting despondent about the whole thing.  Maybe I just should take myself off to a small fireproof room. Or go in the other room and watch TV, but that would require moving and I don’t know I’m that motivated.

GOOD LOOKING JUST ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH

Good space planning and well-considered functionality are the key differences between a house that just looks great, and one that is also immensely enjoyable.

Storage, light, and spatial flow: get these right at the beginning and you have a plan that translates to a great space.

You need a clear idea of your requirements—whether for just one sofa or a complex renovation. These will guide you and keep you focused when faced with limitless options and decisions.

All projects, big or small, should start with a brief if you don’t want a room that looks like an explosion at the Crayola factory or like someone spent under twenty-seven minutes in IKEA furnishing it.

Understanding space is the first step to transforming it.

So many problem rooms are often just badly placed furniture. Move furniture around and try something different before spending money on new things or throwing out what you already own.

The three rules of design are edit, edit and edit. 

A good way to begin is to empty out the room. Put back the biggest piece of furniture first, and then work your way down in size.

This may seem quite obvious, but some of us jump right over the obvious.

The first item on the docket is discard before you place things back. You must discard first. Don’t put anything away until everything you are going to discard is removed. I’m sure I just said that.

And be ruthless. Just because your second cousin’s great-aunt Marta on your father’s side gave it to you, doesn’t mean you have to keep it. And just like Marta, who is often described as “poetical in her appearance”, which for those unversed in Victorian euphemism translates to mean, “depressed-looking and extremely badly dressed”, so should you err on the side of supreme caution when settling items back in.

addding subtrcting multimultiplying div id ingIf not, your demons may have finally made it out your front door, but they still might be doing push-ups on your parking pad. Just sayin'.

…flooring is the most significant finish in an interior.

Literally the foundation, it should be decided before most anything else. It is also best not to change floor finishes unless there is a closed door to another room or a change of level that creates a logical transition point.

These somewhat arbitrary and abrupt changes continue to be the bane of my existence and have my flooring contractors getting extra holidays to the Bahamas with their profits.

Like Goethe, whose last words were -“More light.”, multiple sources of light create the best atmosphere and are practical, too.

A sole overhead light in a room is as sharp as a spoon and half as useful.

Light bounced off the ceiling with sconces, lamps, and directional downlights will balance out the hot spots created by these fixed down lights or pendents.

Most rooms benefit from at least three sources of light, hopefully evenly distributed.
The first question is – what do you want to do in the room or area? Then light it accordingly.

I think a lot of rooms simply aren’t used because one can’t see anything properly. Take reading, for example. Not only do you want a comfortable place to curl up in, a place to set down your libations and bowl of cheezies, but you also need a light shining directly on your thriller novel.

There is no recipe on how to combine things, except you must be sincere, and somehow, strangely, it will succeed.

Unless you’re designing a historic movie set, décor from a single era can feel stifling. Let your room tell a story. Not a Tuesday afternoon soap opera, but a New Yorks Times page-turner.

It may be better to be absolutely ridiculous than to be absolutely boring. Or as the French say, it is better to have bad taste than no taste at all. I’ll have to think about that.

Juxtapositions don’t have to be hard; it might simply be modern chairs at a well-loved wooden dining table, an antique steamer truck with a sleek sectional, or original 50’s pendants hanging serenely over a granite countertop.

Textural layering is important. The trick is to never let one value outweigh another.

To something dark, add a flash of light:to something massive, bring in something sculptural: to the serious, add something humorous: to something hard, put in something soft.

You can’t get anywhere if you observe all the rules. Even Picasso and the Dalai Lama say that it’s best to know the rules well, so you can break them effectively. I’m paraphrasing here.

Use a colour because it works, not just because it’s fashionable. Colour is not just paint. Opening up a cupboard in a classic white-and-timber kitchen to find stacks of dinnerware against an interior painted turquoise can be a daily delight.

Books, throws, pillows, ottomans, and artworks are fine opportunities to introduce color. That said, over-matching colors is a crime in my book and can suck the life out of a space. It’s a dated and tired look that lacks expression and interest.

An elegant simplicity. A carefully retained palette. The joy of a treasured object.

The mix has never been so beautiful.

Accessories are a great way to bring your interests and personality to a space. Buying armloads of useless, meaningless, or fashionable objects is no match for things collected over time.

A home should feel collected, not decorated.

A beautiful Murano glass vase you saw in a shop window, a rug from the time you got lost in the maize of narrow streets in Morocco, a carved wooden bowl filled with apples you’ll actually eat, a collection of sentimental objects…these are the simple things that make a home welcoming and individual.

Comfort, practicality, authenticity, and scale are all essential considerations when considering furniture.

Buying copies can cheat you of the lasting pleasures that pieces made with care and quality can bring. So if your budget doesn’t allow for a designer armchair, buy a designer lamp instead and a well-made local chair. Buying this way also reduces landfill.

I have a leather sofa that is accumulating more birthday candles than I can count. Its classic lines and quality have endured. In fact, high quality leather, as in a good wool rug, develops a patina and looks better as it ages. Thus we both continue to look forward to many more hours of viewing pleasure.

At the end of it all, what each of us needs and longs for is a beautiful and sacred place where we can feel wholly at home. This is our canyon-strewn desert.

“A long time ago in a galaxy, far, far away…

Comes May. I knew it was coming, it happens every year around this time.

The world begins to morph, and so do our bodies.

It is a month that brings a rumble of energy and tasks to keep us occupied while we await the arrival of summer proper. It’s a ‘Hurry Up and Wait’ month. Our crocus allies begin to bloom, the lawn sprouts random sprigs of green, we shake out the wrinkles of the summer duvet, set out our patio furniture – and then we wait. But we’re READY!

The Star Wars story is another version of The Only Story – the struggle between light and dark. Rich in archetypes and the ever present Joseph Campbell hero arc, it is a story that speaks of self-discipline, as well as reminding us that not everything is as it seems. It teaches us that we need to be “soul – y” responsible for ourselves, to “grow up”, and to continue to better ourselves, not making assumptions about how the world works.

But how life plays out depends on how you set the stage – on this side of the galaxy. Paradoxically we can and can’t, force it.

Ahh, hard to see, the Dark Side is. – Yoda

But may I dispense with the pleasantries, I am here to put you back on schedule. – Darth Vader

FORCES OF KINDNESS

There are forces, one of which is kindness, that requires finding out if we can be strong and smart and still be kind, as well as being profoundly kind to ourselves. It helps us to genuinely care for each another and ourselves. There is immense grace in kindness, and the kind of confidence that transcends in mutually inclusive, so we aren’t looking for love in Alderaan places.

Kindness is the force that truly has us ‘walking our talk’, not so easy to do. Sometimes it’s as difficult as navigating an asteroid field, which incidentally is approximately 3,720 to 1. And you think your commute is tough.

Don’t ask me why I felt like that needed so much explanation.

You aren’t gonna say you have a bad feeling about this, are you? – Hans Solo

So how do we start? By making your bed. Every. Day.

Studies show that people who make their bed every morning are happier. I don’t know where those studies are, but I’m sure they’re right.

Now, Naval Adm. William H. McRaven, B.J. ’77, ninth commander of U.S. Special Operations Command, Texas says,

“If you make your bed every morning, you will have accomplished the first task of day. It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task, and another, and another. And by the end of the day, that one task completed, will have turned many tasks into completed.

Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter. If you can’t do the little things right, you can’t do the big things right.”

Do or do not…there is no try. – Yoda

As for me, I’ve pretty well aced The Making of The Bed Every Day. Except for this morning, and maybe two days ago. And I have also vowed to drink a glass of lemon water first thing every morning. And to go to a yoga class between one and thirty-seven times a week for the rest of my life.

So far, I seem to be erring on the lower end of the math, but I’m going, and have almost mastered Child’s Resting Pose.
But the ultimate challenge I have just dreamed up is to Do One New Thing (preferably outside my comfort zone) Every Week. For example, watching Star Wars Episode V111 without popcorn.

Doing something new and/or outside your comfort zone, means forcing yourself to ‘Cross the Road.’

I can hear it now – “Now, why would you do that?”

Buddha might have replied: “If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.”

Anyways, I loved and bought this piece of art last weekend, hung it on a wall close to my freshly made bed, reminding me to Do It Every Week.

Yes siree, I am definitely a force to be reckoned with.

You will find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view. – Obi-Wan Kenobi

I was also reminded of my favorite Irish poet, David Whyte, who probably makes his bed every day, who explained how he came to make the tough decision to become a full time poet.

“Firstly, I was going to do at least one thing every day toward my future life as a poet. I calculated that no matter how small a step I took each day, over a year that would come to a grand total of 365 actions . . . one thing a day is a powerful multiplier.”

It’s not rocket science.

Just like our disciplined bed-maker, Naval Admiral William H. McRaven, B.J. ’77, ninth commander of U.S. Special Operations Command, Texas, Whyte likens the gradually accumulating power of small actions—sending an email, making a phone call, taking a half hour walk—to the acceleration generated by a space probe under ion propulsion.

The other thing Whyte did to transform his life and career, was to initiate what he calls “courageous conversations” with the world around him.

“I told everyone I knew that I was moving toward becoming a full-time poet. I wanted them to hear it and to hold me to what they had heard. Disbelief, silence, scorn, I didn’t care,” he recalls. “I was doing my damnedest to create a kind of gravitational field that would have me drawn increasingly into its center.”

O.K., you now have free reign to ask me what I invented for myself that week.

FAILURE TO LAUNCH

It’s easy to retreat into whatever one’s favourite iDistraction happens to be – like watching Return of the Jedi for the twenty-seventh time in your unmade bed.

Our hook-up technology culture celebrates connectedness, but encourages retreat. It can obliterate thinking for yourself – revering to God Goggle. Or really seeing what is around you – the Downward Facing Eyes. Arrows pointing anywhere but inside ourselves.

Your eyes can deceive you, don’t trust them. – Obi-Wan Kenobi

You can always choose to wait for a door to close and another one to open – but you can always just open the door. That’s what doors are for.

Han: How we doing?

Luke: Same as always…

Han: That bad, huh?

You have only one decision to make every day: how will you use your time?

Hopefully, Obi-Wan has taught you well.

But if you had one of these beautifully styled beds below, I wouldn’t blame you a bit for not leaving.

Already know you that which you need. – Yoda

Throw on a knitted chunky wool, or any throw, on top of a down comforter, adding texture, warmth, interest, and maybe some colour. A look that’s truly out of this world.

When your bed fails to launch because you don’t have a headboard, add pillows. Lots of them.

When you can’t read in bed, it’s probably because you don’t have a fabulous swing-arm lamp.

If you find you have things scattered all over the universe, treat yourself to a night table with lots of storage.

The Wide Blue Yonder. Fall asleep with a love poem or and crash under a vintage car the next. The interchangeable headboard covers are artful imagery that will inspire all kinds of exotic dreams. Complete with a handmade cedar frame and pad, the digitally printed piece quickly slides into place and can be swapped with a different cover whenever you please.

Reflect your larger than life personality, and place a oversize mirror behind your bed. Send up clouds of rapture with billowing drifts of muslin floating overhead.

GO OUTSIDE – YOURSELF

And when the world seems to be driving you crazy, there may be a solution. Build yourself a ‘She-Shed’ or ‘He-Shed’. There are no rules or strict guidelines that come with making your own, except that pretty much nobody else is allowed in there except you. And the best part is, you can do it pretty cheaply. Simply convert a garden shed, and buy furniture and accessories from secondhand stores, garage sales and the like.

Notwithstanding,

Remember…the Force will be with you, always. – Wan Kenobi

Shutting up, Sir.

How wonderful to receive a card, a poem, a paragraph, a letter (or your hammer back) on Valentine’s Day. Each offering tells a little story. A story; a story of how this special person came to be in our lives and why we love them.

Throughout our lives, we tell many stories. We tell them every day. We tell our stories by what we wear, by the places we travel, what we do, what we create, and within the four walls of our home.

What if you were President of your own Personal Academy of Domestic Desire?

“Houses are cluttered with wishes, the invisible furniture on which we keep bruising our shins.” – Rebecca Solnit

A Home for our HEART.

Most of us have dwellings—apartments, houses, condos, lofts, dorm rooms—but often we do not seek to make a Love-ly space where we have a sense of sanctuary, a refuge, or a harbor for our wandering and wondering souls, where life is preserved, protected, and cultivated so that the daily needs of our hearts, bodies, and souls are sanctioned with attentive care.

Going Nowhere

It is only by stepping out of your life and the world, if only for a little while, that you can see what you most care about. Only by stopping movement, can you see where to go. At heart, a simple thing.

Home, after all, is not only the place where you keep your best china, it’s the place where you stand.

How is your heart doing?

Caring for your heart and soul requires a place of refuge and solitude. Where is it in our home or life that we can be in solitude?

Now why would I talk about solitude on a day that celebrates amorous connection?

Because solitude is a way to self-love.

Most of us grew up and live in a culture with an inculcated terror of solitude that instead, has an immensely strong focus on stimulation, engagement, and interaction.

We live in a world that never stops talking, a world where the enemy is silence. A world where busyness is hailed, but it’s really the distraction from living. Aloneness is seldom allowed, condoned, nor given safe practice. The person who chooses aloneness is labeled either mad, bad or sad; feigned as hollow as the hole in the center of a doughnut.

I find it disconcerting that one dare not say, “I want to holiday alone this year”, but that it’s perfectly acceptable to announce, whilst being clapped on the back resoundingly, that you have chosen to solo climb Mount Kilimanjaro, unicycle backwards to Istanbul, or trek the Pacific Coast Trail without a tent. Now, because you are “doing” something alone you are neither sad, mad, or bad, just admired and greatly envied for your boldness, imagination and determination; and at the end, as Henry David Thoreau writes, to “brag as lustily as a chanticleer in the morning, standing on his roost.”

Many of us dream of doing this something, but can’t find anyone else to do it with. The solution is simple, really: do it by yourself, taking a piece of soft cheese wrapped in brown paper as your sole companion.

Solitude is an achievement.

“It is sweet to be silly at the right moment.” – Horace, 65-8 B.C.

So there is solitude, and there is community. Each meet a different need of the heart and soul.

As we get older, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends, and more important to have Real Ones. And I’m not talking about Facebook. Oh, I guess I am.

Life is like a party. You invite a lot of people, some leave early, some stay all night, some laugh with you, some laugh at you, some show up really late, some don’t bother even showing up, and some don’t even let you know they are not showing up.

In the end after the fun, there are a few who stay to help clean up the mess. And most of the time, they aren’t even the ones who made the mess. These people are your real friends in life – your tribe. They are the ones who matter most.

So stay in better touch with people who matter to you. Relationships aren’t necessarily measured in miles, but in affection and attention. Two people can be right next to each other, yet miles apart. Don’t ignore someone you care about, because lack of concern hurts more than angry words. Stay in touch with those who matter to you; not because it’s convenient, but because they’re worth the extra effort.

You don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.

By the way, I’m available anytime if you would like to talk – but not now, I want to be alone. I’m going to put on my pyjamas now because I’ve been out of them for over ten hours, and I’m getting nervous about it.
Be present, pay attention,

and send more Love Letters.

This Valentine’s Day, write a letter of love, desire, gratitude, or friendship.
Write a letter to a friend that is traveling and may be homesick.
Compose an apology that will mend the heart.

Write down your best life lessons and leave it in a coffee shop for someone to find.
Script a proposal – a dinner, movie, or a coffee date to someone you haven’t seen in a long while.
Spread some sibling love today. Recall a funny story or a memory from childhood.
Be bold and hand off a love letter to someone you meet in public today; a barista, policeman, waitress, teacher – thanking them for a job well done.
Create closure by scripting a letter to a heartbreak of the past. If you are brave, send it. If not, burn it.
Leave a letter for that special someone to find later in the day.
Dedicate a love letter to yourself, reflecting on your year’s success.
Pen a letter to your parents to let them know of the ways they have shaped you.
Design a romantic bucket list for your partner to keep you two close, even when you are miles apart.
Make a gratitude list for your best friend.
Write a love letter reserved for that one-day, someday someone.

If you feel inclined to send more love letters, you may think about joining up with Hannah Brencher, whose mission is simple – make love famous.

“Self-control is not a problem in the future. It’s only a problem now, when the chocolate is next to us.'”– Shlomo Benartzi

So today and everyday – eat your favorite foods, dance to your favorite music, walk your favorite paths, talk with your favorite person, have coffee in your favorite shop, wear your favorite clothes, read your favorite books.

Work, date, live, create, sing, dream, rest, indulge, and adventure in ways that feel good to you.

deep and meaningful decorating advice

Do you have the simple wisdom of Pooh?

”Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?”
“Well,” said Pooh, “what I like best — ”, and then he had to stop and think.

I think.
I know…
that there’s Always Something To Do in a house. And sometimes There is A Lot To Do. Ask any of my true clients, a SOS text flying in, code for – “I have absolutely no idea what to do here!”
Are you full of Cleverness like Rabbit?

“It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like “What about lunch?”

Nevertheless, the propensity to puerile or overcome little bits of soul suffering akrasia, which is the perplexing tendency to to know what we should do combined with a persistent reluctance to not do it.

Which brings me to procrastination, which is what I just said.

Are you as glum and cautious as Eeyore?

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”

No one said it would be easy. But you may have to get out your own way or comfort zone, and it can feel scary. It is very easy to get lost in, “Perfectionism is procrastination with better marketing and PR.” Thanks for noticing.

Are you an intellectual like Owl?

“You can’t help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn’t spell it right; but spelling isn’t everything. There are days when spelling Tuesday simply doesn’t count.”

Yes, but it’s Wednesday…oh, never mind. Getting bogged down in details, focusing on the small things sometimes can have it’s advantages. But it can also make you forget what you have set out to do – creatively decorating your house for the least amount of money and work.

Don’t make the classic mistakes of staying emotionally attached to your stuff, nitpicking, or making mountains out of molehills. Focus on the the end goal.

Keep your attention on that.

Are you a timid and loyal like Piglet?

“You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.”

It’s easy to get locked into a reactive mindset. You follow along with what others are advising and react, listening to your mother-in-law, the guy at the water cooler, your second cousin’s aunt twice removed, or something you heard on the last episode of “Love it or List it” – instead of the experts, your decorator and her crew.

Do you have Tigger’s unstoppable Bounce?

“Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.”

A few red balloons tied to a chair may help, or maybe just enlist a few simple styling tricks – easy ideas to help tie your heart to your home.

Good styling is to a large part about changing out the small things.

• some or many vases of flowers in one or many places
• fresh aromatic soaps in a dish on the bathroom counter
• hats hanging on a bakers rack in the entry
• a throw casually draped on the sofa or ottoman
• books piled in a basket by your reading chair
• your collection of dolls displayed in the guest room
• a luscious palm tree in a ceramic pot
• new throw pillows
• herbs growing in a kitchen bay window
• an antique or hand-made quilt gifted to you hanging on the wall
• a family photo gallery installed in a hallway
• organized bookcases
• an inherited chair reupholstered

Are you so deeply occupied to say …

you are truly present in the moment, really living?

The most beautiful life is the one that does not go unnoticed. Real life moments.

…chasing a butterfly on the way to buy groceries…a child burrowing in the “castle” pile of laundry just folded…a baby amazed by the feel of new grass…icicles dripping off a roof…the sunset reflecting off a high-rise…juice dripping down your hand from a tomato fresh from the garden…church bells ringing in the silence of the morning…tulips unfurling, planted to honor a loved one, the feel of cool mountain air, dents on the wall where the boys played floor hockey, laughing so hard with a friend that your eyelashes hurt.

that you notice of the details of your day.

with no other reason except to pursue being grateful? Because those days become years; and before you know it, you’ve missed it. They are worth remembering.

you relish stillness?

Stop for a moment. Listen. Really listen. The season that is un-rushed has the most beautiful harvest, deep and profound moments. Busy is a decision.

…you focus on what you think is beautiful, but not on what really is beautiful.

Hold close the beauty of brokenness…day in and day out, even hearts.

Sometimes we need stitches to sew up the spaces where the stuffing is falling to the sidewalk as we walk away. Don’t hide the sadness. There is sacredness in being real, raw, and honest. Do not wipe up your tears of sadness – or joy. Later you may come to see the messiness as holy.
…you can stay simple.

Challenge the culture of perfection, or to someone else’s idea of perfection. What matters is what you will remember.

…you follow your dreams.

Even if you don’t know where they are taking you. Listen to what your soul is whispering to you. It doesn’t shout to get your attention.

…who has earned the right to share a piece within your heart.
He who dies with the most toys is still dead. If we do not feel grateful for what we already have, what makes us think we’d be happy with more?

Do The Next Right Thing. Every day. Then you will end up with a beautiful life. A life worth remembering. A life to share.