| Friends, family, followers — They say those who compete in gingerbread bake-offs, purchase matching family Christmas pyjamas, and put up Christmas decor early, are 100% happier than those who don’t. Some judge people who decorate early. They are probably also the ones whose holiday decor consists of putting out one candle and a few sprigs of tinsel on their bannister, tailoring their timing to match their emotional peaks. Jesus, Mary and Joseph and all his carpenter friends. So what about this early etiquette of untangling string lights and replacing burnt-out bulbs? In seeking to answer this old age question, I turned to my favourite moral authority and wondered: What would Charlie Brown do? |
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| I spoke with ethicists and with Christmas Tree World psychoanalyst experts from Claus and Effect, who unfortunately didn’t return any of my phone calls. So I conducted a poll of 12 people and asked them when they thought it was socially acceptable to put out Christmas decorations. Hold onto your candy canes. Results showed that 87% of participants were in favour of the After Remembrance Day Sweet Spot, while the remaining 19% clutched their pearls to their chest in horror. But will I ever side-eye those who break out the nativity scenes early? No. I’m decking halls on my timeline because decorating client’s homes for Christmas hooks me like a rainbow trout. So yes, mid-November is time for tinsel. After all, Mariah Carey has officially defrosted. |
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| Besides, studies have shown that the busting out the red and green plaid duvet cover that goes with the “Beary Christmas” sheet set spikes the happy reward center of our brain. (I’m not going to get too sciencey on you here because I got a C minus in high school chemistry.) I mean, hold on a sweater-loving second. I didn’t construct an 4-foot diameter wreath I have lovingly named Awreatha Franklin just so she can sit out for one weekend. And my light bill may look like I am powering a small country, lights that can be seen from 50 feet in fog, but it’s worth every twinkle by every animatronic reindeer with one eye flickering. I’m paying for serotonin, people. |
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| Now think about the frosty reality of trying to string lights with an assertive display of athleticism in negative temperatures wrapped in three cardigans and socks made of something like moss. (Although having the lights out year-round as your main decor is not the most fashionable choice, leading us to question the depth of your inner life.) And think about trying to attach a blow-up Santa on a jet ski to the top of your roof in gale force winds. Or wrapping that tree in your front yard as “tree with lights”, using a method I call “Keep wrapping the tree in lights in a haphazard manner until you can see it from outer space and they look kind of even.” (Trademark pending) |
| Why delay joy? We Need a Little Christmas, Right This Very Minute. We are creatures who exhibit the resilience of the human spirit, ready to bust out the tinsel no matter who says when. It makes us happy, OK? So when can I book you in? But no pressure. Unless, of course, that’s what you want. I mean, we can see how it goes… This got awkward. Sorry. |
| P.S. If anyone is alone on Christmas, let me know. I need to borrow some chairs. |
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